Things That Start With Homo
by Bisexual Pygmy
Summary: Aya loves Yoji, but Yoji's not gay
1. Homo Erectus

Disclaimer: I now have a very cool pirate T-shirt that I bought at the Flogging Molly concert, but still no assassins. Quotes were found in various sources that I don't want to name, might be taken out of context.  
  
Review, you don't want to make the pygmies cry do you?  
  
Aya. HOW I HATE HIM. Not as a person (well, fictitious character) he's an okay guy (cartoon) but I don't understand him. He has no sense of humor at all, and to me, people like that are worthless. We should tie them all up and leaving on a floating island in the pacific made of Pepsi cans and chewing gum with only the pygmies for company. I have tried to give him a sense of humor, if only in his head. He's a tad more mature and mellow then he was in First Impressions. Please tell me if he is off character, I am really trying.  
  
Chapter 1: Homo-Erectus (Man-Watching Boner)  
  
"Homo erectus is a hominid species designated to the Homo genus that exhibits a morphology of a warmer climate. Erectus was the most far-ranging hominid to have existed. Homo erectus (or the various species which may be subsumed under that appellation) are extremely important in the study of modern humans."  
  
It was 3 AM when Yoji finally sauntered in the door of the flower shop. He was greeted by the sounds of sex. Well, not sex so much as foreplay that was fast turning into sex. That had him puzzled. How the hell had Ken gotten a woman to have sex with him? On the flower shop floor no less.  
  
Ken had worked closing in the shop, and it was inventory time. He would have had to be working until midnight at least. There was no way he had managed to pick up a girl that fast, his womanizing skills left a lot to be desired.  
  
Yoji didn't even consider it could be Omi who had a girl until the counter beneath the register made a very Omi-like wail. But no it couldn't be Omi. Yoji reached the conclusion that there were strangers having sex in his house as a rather short skirt came flying out of nowhere and hit him in the face.  
  
Flicking on the lights, he called out in his most menacing voice "Who are you and what are you doing here?"  
  
After a squeal and a great deal of shuffling, Omi's rumpled head peeked over the counter, followed by his shoulders and the upper part of his chest, which had a shirt that was too big for him on backwards. He looked taller then usual.  
  
"It's just me Yoji-kun, I was looking for the sales receipts." Omi said this with such sweet, trusting honesty that Yoji might have believed him, (or at the very least assumed he was having a little fun with himself) and left him to it, except the small squeaks Omi made told him someone was keeping the party going. (That and there was lipstick smeared all over his face.)  
  
"Alone?"  
  
"Yes alone" Omi was panting now, and he kept batting at the area in front of his groin (which was hidden behind the counter.) Yoji gave him a knowing smirk.  
  
"Alright you win Yoji-kun, I am on a date. Please leave." Omi's date made the sounds of suppressed laughter.  
  
There was no way in hell Yoji was leaving without meeting this mystery date. "So, introduce us."  
  
"mmm . . . . ah. . no. . Yoji-kun, she's . . ow. . naked. Isn't that right Oka?" Omi glared down at his crotch which made a muffled affirmative squeak and more suppressed laughter.  
  
Bullshit. There was no way that was Oka. Yoji could see Oka having sex and he could see Omi having sex, but he couldn't see either one taking the initiative to have sex on the flower shop floor. Besides, Omi seemed to have forgotten that Oka was his sister now, not his girlfriend, which indicated it was someone better then Oka. He was about to ask who she was again when. . .  
  
"Quit it Ken-kun this isn't the time." Realizing his slip, Omi slapped his free hand (that wasn't batting at his groin) over his mouth and turned beet red. There was decidedly masculine laughter coming from the area of his crotch.  
  
Yoji was stunned.  
  
Even more so when a shirtless Ken stood up behind Omi and wrapped his naked arms tightly around the mortified boy's chest, slipping his hands under the shirt and smirking at Yoji while he whispered something in Omi's ear. Omi, if it's possible, turned even redder and tried to break free of his hold, but Ken just chuckled and held him harder.  
  
Yoji stared at them for a few minutes, Ken, then Omi, then Ken's hands which were running up and down Omi's chest under the shirt which he now recognized as Ken's lucky sweatshirt. Lucky indeed.  
  
Yoji was sickened by the spectacle, it was wrong. Unnatural. Really hot. Yoji gave himself a mental shake and turned away. No, he was not into guys. He would have to have a little talk with Ken and Omi in the morning about keeping their perversion private.  
  
How could they be attracted to another guy? Yoji was open-minded; he could deal with them being gay as long as he didn't have to see it. They were missing out though; he could not fathom how gay sex could begin to compare with the real thing. How did it even work?  
  
...wait a minute, how did it work?  
  
Yoji was a connoisseur of porn, but he only watched the classy kind. Either lesbians or several women pleasuring one guy. Neither Ken nor Omi had the essential equipment to do those sort of moves.  
  
Yoji was about to embarrass himself by asking, when it occurred to him that he could easily find out on his own. If Omi was down here then there was no one using his computer.  
  
Yoji went up the stairs and into Omi's room almost nervously.  
  
***  
  
I'll admit, I felt a little guilty about Omi's embarrassment, I didn't expect Ken to drag him into this. He should cut the jock off for a while.  
  
Weiss technically disbanded about six months ago. We all still live here in the flower shop, and everyone works here at least part-time even though Kritiker left us pretty much set for life. Omi has a real job as a hacker for Kritiker. He still dresses like a gay pirate.  
  
Ken is a social studies teacher/soccer coach at the local high school. When I found out where they get their teachers I enrolled Aya in a girl's private school a few cities away. She comes home every other weekend.  
  
And Yoji, Yoji still works in the flower shop with me. He still has next to no fashion sense and still hits on every female over eighteen.  
  
There in lies the problem.  
  
I've actually been in love with Yoji for quite a while, but when Weiss was active I was too preoccupied with revenge to care. I always planned to die a hero's death being cut down by Takatori's bodyguards after I achieved my revenge, taking the secret of my unrequited love with me to hell.  
  
Much to my annoyance, I survived. So now I am here, disgustedly watching Yoji pimp himself to the customers as usual, and wishing I had my katana on hand so I could put one of us out of our misery.  
  
Now that I have time on my hands for meddling, I decided to start nosing into everyone else's love life to get my mind off my own. I started with Ken and Omi thinking they would make a cute couple, only to be informed somewhat hesitantly that they had been sleeping together since the night before Ken dumped that Yuriko chick.  
  
Aya-chan is not interested in boys at the moment, which worries me a bit, but it's really too soon to tell and if she is a lesbian, and if she is I really can't talk.  
  
So we are back to me and my love life. Goodie. The first thing to do was get Yoji in the proper mindset. Yoji is very much in denial about his obvious sexual preferences, presumably because of his strict upbringing. This is where Ken came in. I asked him to come out to the playboy in such a way as to make him think. I expected him to let something slip about Kase or leave some porn laying around or something, not molest Omi in plain sight, but Ken insists that he didn't plan it that way he just took the opportunity as it presented itself.  
  
It worked though, Yoji was in Omi's room researching gay sex for four hours. How do I know? I watched him. Ken told me what had happened and I stood outside the slightly opened door and watched his reaction. He kept mumbling about how disgusting and painful it looked, but he didn't stop, and when he finally left for his own bed he had a half erection, much to his dismay.  
  
Step one of the master plan has been achieved. I now know that deep down inside Yoji is at least a little gay (not that I had any doubt). Now I just need to get him to accept it and then fall for me.  
  
Now that I had some assurance as to Yoji's questionable sexuality, I needed to research ways to turn him. I decided for plan A that I would focus on the straight-man phenomenon known as The Man-Watching Boner.  
  
Straight men, when watching manly sports, on occasion end up with wood. They always write it off as a side effect of the excitement combined with beer, but I don't think we can write it off so easily. The truth is, every man is deep down inside a little bit gay, my job is to find out what it is about sports that makes this part of the subconscious surface and exploit it in my nefarious scheme.  
  
After about six hours of watching competitive lacrosse (I didn't want to upset Omi by jerking off to soccer) and not getting anywhere I decided to change tactics. I asked the sports man himself.  
  
RAN: What is it about sports that gives men erections?  
  
KEN: Did you just say erection? I didn't know anyone actually ever said that. Why can't you just say boner or wood?  
  
RAN: That doesn't answer my question.  
  
KEN: I don't know, probably the tight pants and the sweat and the bodies rubbing and the...have you seen Omi around?  
  
RAN: No  
  
That went not so well. Serves me right for asking Ken for advice. When he and Omi finish I'll go talk to Omi.  
  
RAN: What is it about sports that gives men erections?  
  
OMI: Aya-kun!  
  
RAN: I'm serious Omi  
  
OMI: You mean straight guys or Ken?  
  
RAN: Straight guys  
  
OMI: It probably has to do with the false security they feel when doing something manly. Because watching sports is such a hetero thing to do, they lower the defenses that they usually put up to assure the world that they aren't gay.  
  
RAN: Hn.  
  
Omi was a bit more informative. Now with a vague idea, I decided to proceed with my plan, and no I am not going to give it a gay name like Operation: Fag-ify Yoji.  
  
Watching sports is no good because there is no way to force Yoji to watch and he doesn't like them. Besides, I think playing sports would help my goal a lot more anyway. Getting Yoji to participate is going to be the hard part, well that and not doing anything too out of character, I don't want him to get suspicious.  
  
I decided my best weapon in this fight was Omi. Even I will admit to being swayed by those big blue eyes (if not by the big brunette standing behind him and glaring at me to do whatever Omi wants while making imaginary bugnuk motions). We prepared a script and so as to make it seem spontaneous, implemented our plan Sunday over breakfast.  
  
OMI: When's the last time we did something as a team?  
  
KEN: I don't know Omi, when. (Ken isn't sticking to the script which clearly states 'Ken keeps his oversized trap shut')  
  
OMI: Let's all go to the park  
  
YOJI: ...you guys go ahead, I'm going to catch up on my beauty sleep.  
  
OMI: (big pouty eyes directed at Yoji)  
  
YOJI: No  
  
OMI: (big pouty eyes directed at Ran)  
  
RAN: Go get dressed Kudou, we'll be waiting in the car.  
  
Preformed to near perfection. Omi would make a great actor, although I do find it unnerving how convincing his faked pouty look was.  
  
We got to the park around noon and Ken, sticking to the script this time, suggests we play football rather then soccer, saying it will be more fun if he doesn't have such a big advantage (actually it's so we can tackle each other). We split into teams of Ken and me versus Omi and Yoji. To ensure that everyone participates, the losing team has to work closing in the shop for the next two weeks.  
  
The game starts off with Ken tackling Omi, despite the fact that Ken is the one holding the ball (this is understandable since Omi is still pissed and for the most part won't let Ken touch him). This happens four times before Omi, sensing my growing annoyance, steals the ball from Ken, tossing it to Yoji. I chase after him, but he's too fast and scores a point. Damn I didn't count on that.  
  
Ken and I have a brief huddle during which I threaten to use my katana on one of the more sensitive parts of his body if he doesn't help. After that the game became heated, and two hours in we are tied five to five. Yoji is actually pretty good. Omi doesn't have a chance because Ken's got him on the ground the second he gets the ball.  
  
I am about to give up and call it a game before Yoji wins and I end up with extra shifts on top of the depression of my plan not working, when Ken throws me the ball. I haven't touched the ball the entire game, I wonder why it didn't occur to me sooner. Soon Yoji is running me down. I put up a good show, but I let him catch me, swiveling my body as I'm tackled so I am lying face up on the ground with Yoji's head buried in my chest.  
  
Now is my chance.  
  
I slowly reposition my leg so it's pushing against his groin gently and rub under the pretence of trying to squirm away.  
  
He is completely unaware of my ministrations for about a second, and then he jumps up like I bit him and says that he and Omi forfeit.  
  
Oh well, at least I get the nights off for the next two weeks to scheme some more.  
  
There is a semi-lemon on mediaminer.org under the lost lemons. It really isn't a lemon so much as a side chapter that shows the first scene of this chapter from Ken and Omi's point of view that I couldn't fit in here without detracting from the plot, but it does have several lemony qualities. If you aren't offended by that sort of thing, I would like everyone to read it, it explains a few things and I plan to make a refrence to it in my next chapter, but it isn't critical to the story.  
  
It has come to my attention that my stories seem rushed. I've noticed this too, the reason why is that I usually start my stories with the ending so I know where I'm going and I get impatient. This is also why my updates are so prompt. For this fic I am branching out. I have no idea where it's going. Maybe Aya will win, maybe Yoji really isn't gay, maybe they will all have a drunken orgy with Momoe-san and decide they all want to be straight. I haven't decided yet.  
  
Also, I'm sorry if my parenthesis bother anyone, but that's just the way my mind works. I do go through my fics before I post them and incorporate as many as possible into the fabric of the story, but sometimes I just prefer to leave them as random thoughts. They are supposed to be random epiphanies of the characters rather then author's notes though. 


	2. Homozygous

Disclaimer: I now have a very cool pirate T-shirt that I bought at the Flogging Molly concert, but still no assassins. Quotes were found in various sources that I don't want to name, might be taken out of context.  
  
Review, you don't want to make the pygmies cry do you?  
  
Chapter 2: Homozygous (a perfect ass)  
  
"Having two identical haves of the same...affects the appearance of the organism"  
  
I really can't be too upset about the failure of plan A. I really didn't expect him to get over years of homophobic conditioning in two hours and ravage me on the ground in the park. As nice as that would have been.  
  
Karma has decided to cut me a break. Ken and Omi are still fighting so I don't have to worry about walking in on them all the time (how they kept their secret this long I have no idea,) Yoji decided the thing at the park was a fluke and he's back to normal, and Momoe-san had a mild heart-attack Saturday morning so Yoji is taking all of her shifts which means he opens with Omi and Ken, leaving me much needed plotting time (don't worry, Momoe- san is all right. Out of the hospital all ready but she's been staying with her sister. Ken still seems concerned though. He keeps sending Omi with candy and flowers, )  
  
It's my daily brooding time, but I am just in too good of a mood today. Even if he ran, at least I know I affected Yoji. And I'm not so impatient to get him in bed that I can't enjoy my little victories.  
  
It's really not so much about getting him in bed at all. I've never really been interested in sex. I would be perfectly happy being very close friends without the sex, provided he didn't sleep with anyone else. That's what brought on this temporary insanity I seem to have.  
  
I remember the exact minute I fell in love with him, but at the same time it wasn't a lighting flash, everything happing at once kind of thing. When we met I hated him. He was the self-indulgent lifestyle. I was certain he would end up getting us all killed eventually.  
  
Getting to like him was a gradual thing. He wants to be friends with everyone so he started deliberately worming his way into my heart. Eventually I realized I didn't hate him as much as I thought I did, and then I decided he wasn't so bad to talk too. And then one morning, I was sitting in the kitchen brooding and he came in with his bed-tousled hair and shot me a grin...and I wanted to grin back. I didn't of course, but that was the first time I could remember having a genuine urge to smile since the whole mess with Takatori started.  
  
When we were Weiss, he actually very rarely entertained females. Besides, I was too obsessed to notice his occasional fling, but now he has more time for women. Now that I have nothing to obsess over but Yoji's many conquests, it's bothering me a lot more. It's not so much that I don't want him to get any action as it is they don't deserve him.  
  
Yoji is actually very cultured, despite his deplorable fashion sense and his gutter-mind. He has read just about every book worth reading and he sucks the stuff up like a sponge. He can cook, dance, paint, and identify different wines.  
  
I personally don't understand the clothes. It's like someone took James Bond and then tortured him mercilessly by pulling out his toenails and making him watch movies staring singers that can't act until his mind was pliable and he thought dressing like Brittany Spears was a good idea.  
  
The point is, most of the girls he dates wouldn't know a 1969 Château Latour[1] from a can of domestic beer.  
  
*Dramatization*  
  
YOJI: Oh Random Slutty Girl, I can see all of the cosmos reflected in those beautiful eyes.  
  
RSG: Cosmo? You mean like the magazine? I don't get it.  
  
YOJI: It was a bad pick up line, designed to make you desire a night of meaningless sex from yours truly.  
  
RSG: You mean it Yoji? Are you truly mine?  
  
YOJI: Will you sleep with me?  
  
RSG: Of course, I was planning to anyway.  
  
YOJI: Then yes, I am yours for as long as it takes me to get off and get out.  
  
RSG: Let's go back to my place so I can slip into something a little more slutty.  
  
YOJI: No, I have suddenly realized that I no longer want this meaningless sex, I want a true relationship with the one I love.  
  
RSG: Me?!!?!?! (RSG has big hearts for eyes)  
  
YOJI: No, in truth, I love Ran. He is my prince charming. I am so grateful to him for making me see my homosexual tendencies. Come Ran, let us close the shop and retire to my boudoir where I will ravage you, making you scream in ecstasy for the next several hours.  
  
RAN: Hands off Kudou, it's only noon, we can have sex after work.  
  
YOJI: Please Ran? I don't think I can stand so close to you for another second without ripping off all of your clothes and throwing you on the counter. I want to make you mine in every possible way. Please let me taste you.  
  
RAN: EVERYBODY OUT, THE STORE IS CLOSING EARLY TODAY.  
  
YOJI: You okay Aya?  
  
RAN: Hn?  
  
YOJI: You've been watering the table for about ten minutes and then you scared all of our customers out when it's still six hours until closing. I don't mind the extra time, but it's not like you.  
  
RAN: Hn.  
  
You know what sucks? He used his free afternoon to go have sex with the slutbomb that set off that rather embarrassing episode.  
  
Back to the old drawing board.  
  
-----  
  
Plan B involves more then random groping. I plan to adopt a method similar to the women that are constantly flaunting themselves at him, though not quite so obvious.  
  
I watched them for several days, learning their tricks. They flip there hair a lot, but there is no way I'm doing that. They are constantly touching him, but I don't like casual contact so that might make him suspicious. They flaunt their chests at him, but I somehow doubt that will have the same effect coming from me. Really the only thing I have in common with his preferred prey is my ass.  
  
Luckily I have a great ass if I do say so myself. It is the only part of my body with any fat, just enough to make two identical handfuls.  
  
Plan B requires jeans and a black t-shirt. I assign myself the task of repotting the azaleas at the front of the store and tell Yoji to mind the register so his direct line of sight will face me.  
  
I get down on all fours and start potting. I make sure I sway a little, just enough to look seductive. Every once in a while I stretch, letting the bottom of my T-shirt ride up a few inches. I'm starting to get into this. I resist the urge to look back and see how I'm doing.  
  
I can hear Yoji's voice while he speaks to the customers. It cracked once. I grinned evilly.  
  
The repotting takes two hours. When I'm done I stand slowly and languidly rub my dirty hands clean on my jeans, slowly sliding them from my hips down to my knees and then back up, resting them on my ass for a second with my thumbs hooked into my waistband. I slowly turn around, all ready to smirk seductively at Yoji. Instead of Yoji I see four drooling fan-girls and a smirking Ken.  
  
RAN: Don't you have a class to teach?  
  
KEN: I came home during my free period and Yoji offered me 20,000 yen ($200?) if I would take over the register and let him substitute teach my classes for the rest of the day. (Ken actually laughing now)  
  
RAN: (evil glare and almost inaudible growl, walks off)  
  
KEN: Hey, where are you going? It's almost time for the daily rush.  
  
RAN: Deal with it.  
  
This isn't going to work if Yoji keeps running off before he can be overcome with passion. There is no way I'm going to just come out to him and confess my love. That would be extremely off character.  
  
----------------------- 


	3. Homonia

Disclaimer: I now have a very cool pirate T-shirt that I bought at the Flogging Molly concert, but still no assassins. Quotes were found in various sources that I don't want to name, might be taken out of context.  
  
Review, you don't want to make the pygmies cry do you?  
  
Chapter 3: Homonia (fuckbuddies)  
  
"closer then friends"  
  
Well, karma is obviously out to get me. Yoji is avoiding me, Momoe-san is back but she refuses to work with Ken so I had to switch shifts with him which means I'm working mornings with Omi and Momoe-san instead of afternoons with Yoji, and as icing on this delicious shit cake, not only have Ken and Omi made up, but they decided that since Yoji is now in on the secret they no longer need to hide their disgustingly cute relationship.  
  
*most unfortunately, not a dramatization*  
  
KEN: Omi-koi, I am so glad we stopped fighting.  
  
OMI: Me too Ken. I missed you horribly.  
  
KEN: Oh Omi, have I ever told you how adorable you are when you are mad at me? The entire time we were fighting it took all my self control not to jump you.  
  
OMI: Oh Ken that's so sweet. You know, you're pretty cute when you're looking at me with that confused look trying to figure out what you did wrong.  
  
KEN: You know you're also pretty cute when you wake up after we have sex and you wrinkle your nose all confused about where you are and what that sticky stuff is that's all over your body.  
  
OMI: Ken you're terrible.  
  
KEN: It's incredibly sexy. You are incredibly sexy. Especially your tight little ass.  
  
OMI: Your hands are sexy.  
  
KEN: Your thighs are sexy. (Ken gives Omi a tonsil massage with his tongue)  
  
RAN: You know, I'm still in the room.  
  
KEN: No one's making you stay.  
  
RAN: (Evil glare) I have to make sure you don't de-sanitize the kitchen.  
  
OMI: (blush) Aya-kun...  
  
KEN: Honestly Aya, no need to be crude  
  
RAN: (You've-got-to-be-joking look)  
  
OMI: Come on Ken, I want to show you something in our room.  
  
I swear I've died and gone to hell. I do not need those two hormone ridden sex-machines schmoozing up to each other right in front of me in light of my failed attempts with Yoji.  
  
Speaking of which...  
  
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so plan C involves porn.  
  
I have decided that before I proceed with my wooing, I need to show Yoji that I am gay. It's only fair and it might make him loosen up a little bit. This is going to be tricky though, I can't make myself look like a pervert.  
  
Not wanting witnesses to my humiliation, I sent Ken and Omi away for the weekend. Yoji is going clubbing as usual, and as usual, he leaves the number of where he's going to be in case there's an emergency. Mwa ha ha ha ha.  
  
First things first, I need porn. I only have one pornographic video, and I only bought it because the guy looks a little like Yoji, but that's a little obvious for my purposes today. Besides, I don't think the way to ease him into homosexuality is to show him pictures of himself strapped to a bed and getting it up the ass from a red head in a dominatrix suit with a wide collection of dildos and clamps in all different sizes. I'll just save that one for later.  
  
I went and snagged one from Ken's vast collection instead. All of his movies have the same star, Shindou[1] something. I've never seen any of them, but Omi has no complaints about Ken's perverted ness, so it can't be too bad.  
  
Getting Yoji to come home early was the tricky part. I couldn't call because that would ruin the whole plan, which was to have him come home early and see me watching gay porn. If I called he would know I knew he was coming home.  
  
I had Omi call him from the hotel. The excuse was calling was quite brilliant. I told him to call Yoji and say he and Ken had gotten to the hotel only to realize they had forgotten Omi's credit card on the dresser. They needed Yoji to go home, get the card, and read them the number because I wasn't picking up and the hotel people won't let them in. Then Omi hung up and paid for the room using my credit card.  
  
It was perfect. Yoji would come straight home to help.  
  
I turned on the porn and went to the kitchen to make popcorn. (I needed something to do with my hands, I certainly wasn't going to be doing normal porn watching activities when I was planning to be caught.  
  
I walked into the living room and about died. Yoji was there all ready, his face white and shocked looking, watching the screen intently. It wasn't 'this is hot, I can't stop watching' scare it was a look of pure horror. But not because it was gay porn. It was kiddie porn. Well, that's not fair. It wasn't actually kiddie porn, but it might as well have been because it was Omi. Omi topping the exact same blond actor that in this movie looked a great deal like Yoji. I was in shock for a few minutes wondering why Ken would want a video of Omi screwing Yoji when I realized that this was why Omi didn't object to Shindou's movies. He looked almost exactly like Omi if you ignored the pink hair and eyes that were more purple then blue.  
  
RAN: (turns off TV) Huh, Ken must have been watching some pay-per-view porn before he left, that's his preferred actor. (there is no way I'm taking credit for that)  
  
YOJI: Yeah I guess so. (stands there staring stupidly at the blank screen then leaves, probably to find an adult woman to bang)  
  
I'm fast running out of brilliant ideas.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------  
  
Sorry, shortish chapter.  
  
----------------------- [1] Guess who? sorry, I just always thought it would be hilarious if Shuichi from Gravitation was a porn star. I think I might write a fic about it 


	4. Homolytic Bond Cleavage

Disclaimer: I now have a very cool pirate T-shirt that I bought at the Flogging Molly concert, but still no assassins. Quotes were found in various sources that I don't want to name, might be taken out of context.  
  
Review, you don't want to make the pygmies cry do you?  
  
I am happy dancing my little pygmy ass off right now. I got my first flame. WAHOO!!! I am now officially a controversial writer. *HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE* If anyone wants to read it, it's for chapter 2 and written by Anonymous (hm, interesting pen name)  
  
So, in honor of all those who dislike my work so much that they feel the need to bitch about it to me, here is the last installment. Enjoy, I sure do  
  
Chapter 4: Homolytic Bond Cleavage (breaking away from our heterosexual feelings)  
  
"the strength of the bond is measured by the energy required to break it, called Bond Dissociation Energy"  
  
It's late, I'm sitting in the kitchen drinking tea laced with whisky, thinking about my life. I hear some shuffling and Yoji stumbles in, drunk after a night of partying. Man I'm horny. Suddenly I don't care about the consequences jumping into bed with him could have.  
  
I smile seductively at Yoji over my teacup, I'm tired and sexually frustrated, not to mention a little drunk. Yoji licks his lips and leans over to place a soft kiss on my lips. I'm shocked for a moment, if I had known this was how he would react I would have smiled sooner. I deepen it, and soon our tongues are battling for dominance. Yoji wraps his arms around my back and I thread my fingers through his hair.  
  
Soon I become aware of an extra set of hands working on my pants. I look down and see a drunk, already naked Omi, struggling with my belt buckle. A part of me is telling me to stop him, this is wrong and he will regret it in the morning, but the functional part of my brain has always wanted to have an orgy and I help him with the buckle. I look over and see Ken helping Yoji similarly. The two of them must have been woken up by Yoji and come down to investigate, forgetting to dress because of the intoxication brought on by their little "we don't have to work tomorrow, let's spend the day in bed with a hangover" party.  
  
Soon we were all naked and touching. Teasing and tasting and prepping each other, no one favoring one partner over another. Things where just getting interesting when the door swung open and in walked Momoe-san.  
  
I started to apologize, explain the situation, when I realized that the glint in her eyes wasn't horror or hatred, but poorly masked lust. Soon she had joined into the fray.  
  
Momoe-san was quite a wild cat in her youth, and very popular due to her convenient height. She is used to having multiple partners. It wasn't long until we are all benefiting from her years of experience.  
  
The night wore on and we took turns pleasuring each other, Momoe-san was indeed very talented, Ken commented, half joking, that we might all decide to become straight after this. After a long night, we collapsed on the kitchen floor, a tangle of limbs. Yoji leaned over to claim my lips as...  
  
RAN: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
That was the scariest dream I have ever had. Thank the gods my bed is still clean and dry or I would have to kill myself in humiliation. I don't care if I'm the only one who knows.  
  
OMI: Aya-kun?  
  
RAN: I'm fine, go back to bed.  
  
That came out a little harsher then I intended. It isn't his fault I have a deeply perverted mind. I wonder what the hell brought that on. I would like the record to show right now that I have never been in the slightest bit attracted to Omi (who I consider to be physically twelve, making Ken a big pervert) Ken (who is about as intelligent as a rock and more often then not reeks of various unpleasant things) or Momoe-san (who though very attractive for an old lady, is still a woman and I am gayer then one of Yoji's clubbing outfits).  
  
Obviously the dream was my subconscious trying to do me in. I wouldn't be surprised if Swartz was involved. (never mind that they are probably dead and have no quarrel with us)  
  
I need to calm my nerves. I go down to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea. Without a second thought I put a hearty dollop of whiskey in it.  
  
I sit there drinking my tea and trying very hard not to think about my dream when I hear shuffling and Yoji stumbles in.  
  
I run up to my room and lock the door.  
  
The next morning I was tired. It was quite obvious that the dream was a result of my sexual tension.  
  
I'm going to confess today. As hard as it is I will shed my emotionless exterior and bare my heart to him, I can't take this anymore  
  
YOJI: Morning Aya  
  
RAN: ...(I can't do this)  
  
YOJI: Aya, there's something that's been bothering me for a while that I want to talk to you about.  
  
RAN: ...(I'm keeping a calm expression but I want to scream, he's going to tell me to leave him alone)  
  
YOJI: Lately, I've noticed some...things about you, and I tried to ignore it but...  
  
RAN: ...(shit here it comes)  
  
YOJI: I think I'm in love with you.  
  
RAN: ...(EEEEP he LOVES ME YAY!!! Still glaring though)  
  
YOJI: I understand if you aren't into that, but I was kind of hoping you would be open-minded and give it a try?  
  
RAN...(scans Yoji head to toe) Hn. Why not? (WAHOO, I wish there was room for me to do a cartwheel)  
  
YOJI: Really? That is so great, you won't regret it Aya. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?  
  
RAN: Fine, I'll be ready to leave at 7:30  
  
YOJI: Perfect. Oh and Aya, thanks (leans in and brushes his lips over mine)  
  
YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! That was so wonderfully wonderful. I got Yoji and I didn't have to beg. I feel a little bad about making him beg, but I'll make it up to him later.  
  
No sexual deprivation induced dreams for me tonight.  
  
That reminds me, I better burn this journal before the others get curious and finds out about my little dream.  
  
***  
  
OMI: Ken do you have a death wish? What are you thinking posting Aya- kun's journal online?  
  
KEN: No worries Omi, I used a pen name, he'll never know it was me.  
  
OMI: Who else do we know that has access to Aya-kun's room? Besides, you invented the bisexual pygmies to protect you from him, remember?  
  
KEN: But he doesn't know that.  
  
OMI: You have little pygmy cutouts all over our room, your screen saver says "the pygmies are watching you Aya" and you constantly sending him letters that say "Give Ken and Omi the day off or else" and signing them B.I. Pygmie. It's worse then your little Klingon phase. Aya is going to kill you.  
  
KEN: Yeah, well Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam (today is a good day to die. Yes that is actually Klingon, and yes, I know I'm a dork)  
  
OMI: Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you.  
  
-end  
  
I'm sorry. About two seconds after I published my first chapter I thought of the perfect ending and though I tried to hold off as long as possible, I can't do it anymore. My next fic though, I plan to write a monster fic. One of those twenty chapter ones that it takes 6 months to update. Okay maybe only 15 chapters. Well, really more like 10. 


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